Singing Telegrams
Someone opens their front door expecting a parcel, and instead there is a woman in a fairy costume with a lit-up tutu holding a fistful of balloons, singing them the Golden Girls theme because their friends decided that was the right song. That is a singing telegram, and I have been delivering them around Baltimore and Washington for years.
How it works. You tell me who it is for, what the occasion is, and what you want said. I learn the songs, put together a costume that fits whatever the joke or the sentiment is, and turn up where you tell me at the time you pick. Most telegrams run ten to fifteen minutes at the door, which is long enough for the songs and the photographs afterwards, and short enough that nobody’s dinner goes cold.
What you get. Live singing in full costume and character, a card carrying whatever message you want delivered, and a balloon. I arrive about ten minutes early so I am not the reason the surprise falls apart, and I text you to confirm before I set off.
What it costs. Telegrams start at $200 within twenty miles of Columbia, Maryland. Extra songs, custom rewritten lyrics for the recipient, filming the whole thing and sending you the edited video, specialty costumes, and travel beyond that radius are priced on top, and you get the full number before you commit to anything. Tell me roughly what you have in mind and I will quote it.
Where I go. Columbia, Ellicott City, Laurel, Catonsville, Baltimore, Annapolis, Silver Spring, and most of Howard, Anne Arundel, Baltimore, and Montgomery counties, with DC and northern Virginia on the table for the right booking. If you are further out than that, ask anyway, because I have driven a long way for a good one.
When. Evenings and weekends are the whole point of this job, so they are normal and carry no surcharge. Very early mornings, late nights, and major holidays do. Saturdays and Sundays during the day are tight until the Maryland Renaissance Festival wraps on 25 October, though I can usually get out with notice, so it is worth asking rather than assuming.
What people book them for. Birthdays mostly, and the big round ones especially. Anniversaries, retirements, engagements, graduations, new babies, apologies that need more than flowers, and a steady stream of workplace send-offs where the entire office is in on it and nobody has told the one person it is happening to.
The singing part is not a novelty. I have twenty-five years of stage experience across musical theatre, live bands, chorale work, and studio sessions, and I front a working cover band in Maryland. The costume is silly on purpose. The voice is not.
Questions people ask
How much does a singing telegram cost?
Singing telegrams start at $200 within twenty miles of Columbia, Maryland. Extra songs, custom rewritten lyrics, filming and editing the video, specialty costumes, and travel beyond that radius are quoted on top, and you get the full number before you commit to anything.
How long does a singing telegram last?
Ten to fifteen minutes at the door. That is long enough for the songs and the photographs afterwards, and short enough that nobody’s dinner goes cold.
How far in advance should I book a singing telegram?
A few days is comfortable, though I have pulled one together in under twenty-four hours more than once. December fills up during October, so the holidays are worth booking early.
Can I choose the song?
Yes, and most people do. Requests are normal rather than an imposition, and I will learn something I do not already know. I also rewrite lyrics so the song is about the person receiving it, if that is the kind of thing your family finds funny.
Do you deliver singing telegrams in Washington DC and northern Virginia?
Yes, both are on the table, alongside Columbia, Ellicott City, Laurel, Catonsville, Baltimore, Annapolis, Silver Spring, and most of Howard, Anne Arundel, Baltimore, and Montgomery counties. Travel beyond twenty miles of Columbia is priced into the quote rather than sprung on you afterwards.
What occasions are singing telegrams good for?
Birthdays most of all, and the big round ones especially. After that, anniversaries, retirements, engagements, graduations, new babies, workplace send-offs where the whole office is in on it, and apologies that need more than flowers.
Book one
Call or text 646-875-8872, or use the booking form and tell me the date, the address, who it is for, and what you want them to hear. Give me a few days where you can, though I have pulled together a telegram in under twenty-four hours more than once.
Reviews from people who have actually booked me are on my Google Business Profile.